When someone is talking to us, it's not just the words they utter but also the silence between them that speaks volumes. Many times, when we're listening to a story, and we're captivated by its details and the emotions they evoke, it's the unsaid, the deletions, that carry the essence of the narrative.

I've often seen how the parts of our stories we choose to leave out can sometimes tell more than what we actually say. These deletions are not mere gaps; they are windows into our deeper truths, our unvoiced fears, and our hidden desires. When we communicate, we're not just conveying information; we're also revealing how we see the world, what we consider important, and what we deem unworthy of mention.

As NLP Practitioners, we pay close attention to these deletions. They are clues, guiding us to understand the person's model of the world. Every time they speak, their language is filtered through their experiences, beliefs, and values. What they keep out of their stories is often as significant as what they include. These deletions offer insights into their internal representations, showcasing their subjective reality.

For example, when someone describes a challenging situation without mentioning their emotions, it might indicate a disconnection from their feelings, or perhaps a reluctance to appear vulnerable, or it could suggest something entirely different. Our job is to gently guide them to explore these deletions, to bring into awareness what has been left unsaid. This goal is not to fill that silence with noise; it's about honoring the unsaid and understanding its significance.

As you incorporate NLP principles in your communication, I encourage you to listen not just to the words but also to the silences. In those gaps lies wisdom, waiting to be discovered. It's often in the unsaid that we find the keys to unlocking potential.

Remember the universal principles of modeling?

Generalization, distortion, and deletion?

The Bandler and Grinder Brothers Band apparently made them up, as they show up nowhere else in literature unrelated to Neurolinguistic Programming.

Consider this sentence: "Our goal is the completion of the project."

This sentence, while grammatically sound, is a maze of abstraction. It's packed with nominalizations. Nominalizations are like linguistic zombies, nouns that were once alive with action.

So, let's breathe life back into it!

Get a feel for this: "We will complete the project this Friday."

Suddenly, the sentence pulsates with energy and intention.

By changing our language, we turn still, passive ponds into flowing rivers. We don't just talk about change. We initiate it.

Remember this: words don't merely carry meaning; they architect our reality. We can use words to create a world of action, not abstraction. Embrace verbs, the muscles of language, and watch as goals leap from the page into reality.

Many new students of NLP learn that rapport is a key relational skill, a necessity for establishing trust, harmony, and cooperation. They see it as a harmonious mutual understanding, an agreement, being "in tune" and "in accord" with another.

But what if I told you that rapport is simply relationship in real-time? It's not so much a skill or technique as it is an art, a dynamic play of give and take. Imagine rapport as the subtle art of being with someone, not just physically but mentally and emotionally. It's like a dance where each step, each move, is in response to your partner.

It's more than just matching and mirroring body language or using similar language patterns. It's about being present, in the moment, and finding that unique frequency where two human beings can resonate.

Picture this: You're at a social gathering, armed with your best anecdotes and practiced charm. You start a conversation, and yet, you sense a disconnect. Why? Because while your words are important, they're only part of the story. People are complex; they're not just listening, they're feeling, sensing, and evaluating on levels we often overlook.

We often think establishing rapport is about what we say. In reality, people subconsciously check if you resonate with their reference system – a sensory modality they rely on to verify their decisions and conclusions. Some might perform visual check, comparing your expressions and gestures to the demeanor of the people they already know. Others will check auditorily, tuning into the tone and rhythm of your voice and verifying these cues against their internal sound database. And some will verify using kinesthetics, responding to the energy and vibes you emit.

So, next time you're trying to connect, remember: it's not just about your script. It's a matter of how you stack up against their past. It's in these unspoken nuances that rapport is built – and broken.

In the dance of human interaction, words are just one step. The music is in the empathy, the connection, the aligned understanding that goes beyond speech. This is where rapport is forged, in the space between words, in the harmony of shared experience. In the symphony of human connection, every note counts.

When we took a break from our basketball practice, Rui looked at me and said: "There are a few mini coconut trees behind the elementary building. Let's go grab a few to drink!"

I was always worried about getting in trouble, but was definitely up for mischievous adventures. I thought: "Let's see where this goes..." We headed to the back of the school. In fact, there were four beautiful coconut trees with plump coconuts hanging from the branches.

We each grabbed a coconut and then I turned to Rui and asked: "What if Mr. Dieffenbacher comes over?"

Rui then looked at me and uttered words that would reframe "getting into trouble" for me.

He said: "What is he going to do? He's just going to say: 'Don't drink the coconuts.' Whatever..."

In that moment, I understood that there are actually different categories of trouble. One is real trouble. The other one only exists in our head, and it's often the kind that's used to control us.

When reframing changes your understanding of a concept, it's incredibly useful. When it changes your understanding of behavior, it's unbelievably powerful.

In NLP, dissociation isn't merely a psychological term; it's a gateway to modeling excellence. Dissociation refers to the ability to step outside ourselves and literally detach from our habituated perspective. This is particularly potent when we're modeling the behavior of outstanding performers.

Imagine modeling a virtuoso pianist. Through dissociation, you're stepping out of your own mental and emotional shoes so you can step into theirs. This detachment allows you to approach their behavior from a clean slate.

In NLP, we often say "the map is not the territory," implying that our perception of reality is not reality itself but merely our interpretation of it. Dissociation means putting that axiom into practice and storing our maps away temporarily in order to be able to pick up another one to deal with the territory differently.

Now, while dissociation helps us to gain a new perspective, it's in re-associating, or stepping back into our experience with this new understanding, that the real magic of transformation occurs. This dance between detachment and reattachment is where profound learning and change happen.

As Practitioners, we harness detachment not simply to understand but to transform and elevate human performance to its pinnacle.

As an NLP practitioner, I've observed how language not only conveys information but shapes it. Language is the architecture of thought, the scaffold on which our understanding of the world is built. Think of language as the DNA of knowledge; it encodes and expresses our learning experiences.

Just as DNA mutates and evolves, so does language. In the digital era, this evolution has accelerated. We're not just passive receivers of language; we're active participants in its expansion. Each new term, each novel syntax we encounter in our digital explorations, rewires our brain, opening new pathways of understanding.

Think of a garden. Language is the soil out of which knowledge plants grow. Different soils—different languages and linguistic structures—yield different flora. In the realm of learning, this means that the language we use can limit or expand the scope of what we understand.

By analyzing and understanding the structures of language, we can engineer learning to be more effective. It's like adjusting the pH of the soil to suit the plant. For instance, simplifying complex jargon for beginners or using metaphors can make learning more accessible and engaging.

But... there's always a caveat...

Just as a mislabeled seed can grow into an unexpected plant, a misinterpreted word can lead to misunderstanding. That's why precision in language is so important. As NLP practitioners, we need to be gardeners of language, cultivating clarity and nurturing understanding.

Language is not just a tool for communication; it's a lens through which we view and comprehend the world. Our job as Practitioners is to polish this lens, making sure it offers a clear and accurate view of the world of knowledge that enables and empowers us and others.

Imagine setting a goal. Now, picture it in your mind. Is it a vivid image or a faded photograph? Does it have a sound, perhaps a voice cheering you on?

The way we internally represent our goals significantly impacts our motivation and commitment towards them. By adjusting these submodalities, we can literally transform a seemingly distant dream into a tangible, compelling future reality.

Consider a goal that's been eluding you. How do you represent it? Perhaps, it's been framed in your mind’s eye as distant, blurry, or accompanied by a soundtrack of doubt. What if you tweaked these submodalities? What would happen if you brought that image closer, made it brighter, and added a soundtrack of your favorite motivational song?

Submodalities are not just mental tricks; they are a language through which our subconscious communicates. By learning this language, we can effectively reprogram our mindset towards our goals. It's about transforming 'I wish' into 'I will'. It’s not magic; it’s the subtle art of influencing your inner world to change your outer world.

Of course, this also applies when you're helping to motivate someone towards accomplishing something significant. I can't tell you how many times a simple submodality shift has completely transformed a client's perspective.

Working with submodalities is like fine-tuning a musical instrument. The right adjustments can turn dissonance into harmony, and resignation into invigoration and possibility.

Language holds the profound power to shape our reality, guide our actions, and stir our emotions. It's not merely a tool for communication, but a vehicle that carries the essence of our intentions and the depth of our feelings.

In the realm of goal-setting, language is like choosing the right lens to focus a camera; the clearer the language, the sharper the image of the goal.

For instance, stating a goal as "I want to improve my skills" is akin to a blurred image. However, refining it to "I aim to master advanced Python programming by enrolling in a specialized course and dedicating 10 hours weekly to practice" brings the goal into sharp focus. This clarity not only guides actions but also measures progress, making the journey towards the goal more navigable and less daunting.

Emotional impact, on the other hand, is the heartbeat of our narratives. It's what connects us to our goals on a deeper level, transforming them from mere statements into calls to action that resonate with our core. Emotionally charged language acts as a catalyst, igniting our passion and perseverance. Consider the difference between saying, "Environmental conservation is important" and "We must act now to safeguard the precious legacy of our planet for future generations." The first might make you nod in agreement. The latter, laden with emotional weight, compels action.

The union of precision and emotion in language creates a powerful narrative. It's like a beacon that not only illuminates the path but also inspires the journey. It's not about the grandeur of words but their ability to connect, resonate, and move people. When we harness this power, our goals transform from mere aspirations into embodiments of our values, convictions, and dreams.