Martin Messier

December 4, 2023

Beyond words: the unspoken code of rapport

Picture this: You're at a social gathering, armed with your best anecdotes and practiced charm. You start a conversation, and yet, you sense a disconnect. Why? Because while your words are important, they're only part of the story. People are complex; they're not just listening, they're feeling, sensing, and evaluating on levels we often overlook.

We often think establishing rapport is about what we say. In reality, people subconsciously check if you resonate with their reference system – a sensory modality they rely on to verify their decisions and conclusions. Some might perform visual check, comparing your expressions and gestures to the demeanor of the people they already know. Others will check auditorily, tuning into the tone and rhythm of your voice and verifying these cues against their internal sound database. And some will verify using kinesthetics, responding to the energy and vibes you emit.

So, next time you're trying to connect, remember: it's not just about your script. It's a matter of how you stack up against their past. It's in these unspoken nuances that rapport is built – and broken.

In the dance of human interaction, words are just one step. The music is in the empathy, the connection, the aligned understanding that goes beyond speech. This is where rapport is forged, in the space between words, in the harmony of shared experience. In the symphony of human connection, every note counts.

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