Ever wondered why certain speeches or advertisements stick in your mind? What language techniques do you think are at play?

I always marvel at the subtle yet profound influence of anchoring in language. Anchoring is not just a concept; it's an art. It's the strategic placement of words or phrases that trigger a cascade of associations in the mind of the listener, shaping perceptions and decisions.

Consider how a well-placed word in a speech or a carefully crafted phrase in an advertisement can evoke strong emotions, bring back memories, or even shift our attitudes. These anchors are not random. They are the result of a deep understanding of the human psyche and the patterns of communication that resonate with it.

Have you ever watched the Worlds Apart commercial Heineken developed and aired back in 2017? If you haven't seen it yet, watch it below. It's only a few minutes long, and effectively illustrates the idea.

Did you notice which words triggered you emotionally — positively or negatively? Whose words and beliefs did you most resonate with?

The magic of anchoring lies in its ability to connect with something already existing in the listener's mind. It’s like finding a hook in a vast sea of thoughts and hanging a new idea on it. When done skillfully, this technique doesn't just convey a message; it embeds it.

When you use it elegantly, anchoring can transform communication. It’s not about manipulation; it’s about resonance. It’s about finding those words that align with the listener's experiences, beliefs, and values, creating a bridge between the message and the audience.

So, next time you listen to a powerful speech or find yourself persuaded by an advertisement, pay attention to the words. Notice the anchors. They are the silent conductors of the symphony of persuasion, playing a tune that resonates deep within your subconscious.

Remember, in the realm of language, sometimes it's all about how it’s anchored that makes all the difference. I encourage you to explore the power of anchoring in your communication. I assure you it will be time and effort well spent.

In conversations, a little attention to detail goes a long way. In the past 25 years as a student of NLP, I've come to appreciate the nuanced role that language plays in our understanding of human interaction. One aspect, often overlooked yet tremendously insightful, is the use of adjectives.

Consider this: when someone describes their day as "exhausting," it reveals more than just physical tiredness. It's a hint into their emotional state, their challenges, perhaps even their outlook on life. If language is the map of our inner experiences, and adjectives are the signposts.

Of course, we can't presume to know 100% what's behind the word. We have to dive deeper to fully understand its meaning to that person.

We often focus on the 'what' of conversation - the content. But the 'how' - the process, the language patterns, especially adjectives, can be equally telling. They are like the colors in a painting, setting the tone and mood. By tuning into these subtle cues, we can gain insights into a person's emotions, beliefs, and perspectives.

This is not about becoming linguistic detectives, but rather about developing a deeper curiosity and interest. It's about listening not just with our ears, but with our minds and hearts. Paying attention to adjectives is a step in that direction. It's about building bridges of understanding, one word at a time.

So, the next time you're in a conversation, listen for the adjectives. They might just tell you more about the person than the story itself.

What if you read a book, rich with stories and insights, yet missing one crucial element – the author's name... It's like a narrative floating in our minds, persuasive and influential, but whose origin remains a mystery.

These are the beliefs and values we hold, often unquestioned, that shape our perception of the world. They whisper in our ears like an invisible mentor, guiding our choices, yet we seldom pause to ask, "Who the heck put these thoughts in my head?"

Understanding the source of these beliefs is akin to discovering the author of that nameless book. It doesn't necessarily change everything, but it might explain a lot. It’s not about debunking or discarding these beliefs, but rather understanding their roots. I've seen firsthand how this realization empowers individuals. It’s like turning on a light in a room that’s been dark for too long.

Let me share a quick story. A client once came to me, burdened by a belief that they were not worthy of success. This belief had no author. Through our exploratory sessions, we traced this belief back to a well-intentioned, yet overprotective parent. This revelation was a turning point. It’s not just about finding the source; it’s about understanding the why.

These authorless beliefs, which we call Lost Performatives in NLP jargon, often stem from well-meaning sources - parents, teachers, society.

As your guide in this journey, I encourage you to pay attention to and explore these unauthored books not only in your own mind, but in the minds of those around you. Look at them with curiosity, not judgment. Seek their origin.

Then, you can wonder whether a different author might be called for...

Imagine you're in a dense forest, with no map, compass, or GPS. You think you know the way out, but as you take more and more steps, the trees look the same, and the paths seem endlessly winding and you realize that you have absolutely no clue as to where you're going.

This is what mind reading in communication often feels like.

In NLP, mind reading isn't about crystal balls or psychic powers. It's about understanding and interpreting the unspoken. But here's the catch — it's like trying to navigate that forest without a map. You might think you understand what the other person is thinking or feeling, but without clear markers, you're likely to misunderstand them completely.

Now, what if you were a seasoned hiker who knows the importance of a compass and a map? In NLP, our compass and map are active listening and empathy. We don't assume; we ask. We don't interpret silence as agreement or disagreement. We pursue clarification. We stalk the correct meaning behind the unspoken. It's about calibration and tuning into the subtle cues, the body language, the tone of voice —the unspoken words that often carry more weight than the spoken ones.

It's easy to fall into the trap of believing we know what others are thinking or feeling. But let me tell you, it's a path fraught with misunderstandings and misinterpretations. What works is open, honest communication. It's about creating a space where thoughts and feelings can be expressed openly, without the fear of being misread.

Don't guess your way through the forest. Use the right tools to navigate effectively, ensuring that both you and the person you're communicating with are on the same clear, well-marked path.

In leadership, whether it's managing, parenting, coaching, teaching or selling, the highest leverage skill is not speaking, but listening — truly hearing the unspoken through the spoken.

Think of a tapestry, each thread representing a word from the people who have put their trust in us. On the surface, these threads form a picture, a story they believe about themselves. But, as an NLP Practitioner, our task is to gently tug at these threads, unraveling them to reveal the underlying patterns, beliefs, and meanings.

We listen for the pauses, the shifts in tone, the unguarded moments when the essence of their thoughts and feelings briefly surfaces. It's in these subtle cues that the real story unfolds.

As we guide them through this journey of self-discovery, it's essential to remember the power of empathy and patience. Each person's tapestry is unique, woven from their experiences, fears, and dreams. Our role is to provide a space where they can explore and understand these threads, without judgment or haste.

The real growth, for both the leader and the follower, happens in these moments of clarity. When the words align with the emotions and thoughts they mask, transformation occurs. It's a path that requires wisdom, a warm heart, and an unwavering belief in the potential of every individual to rewrite their own narrative.

In essence, to be an effective leader is to be an ardent listener, a compassionate guide, and a patient unraveler of words. It's a journey not just of aiding others in finding their truth, but in continually discovering our own.

Terms like 'always', 'never', and 'everyone', are seductively simple. They present a world of absolutes, a comfort zone where complexity is smoothed over by broad generalizations. In our day-to-day, we often come across these linguistic shortcuts our minds use in an attempt to categorize and simplify the intricate web of human experience.

As you already know, these simplifications come at a cost.

The allure of these terms lies in their apparent clarity and decisiveness. "Everyone loves a winner," "I never get it right," "You always say that," – these phrases resonate with a sense of certainty and finality. Problem is, they often obscure the truth, which is invariably more nuanced and individualized.

For the attentive NLP Practitioner, universals serve as signposts, indicating areas where deeper exploration and understanding are needed. They are invitations to dive deeper, to ask questions, and to listen attentively.

As you evolve your practice, remember that universals are like a zoomed-out camera lens. It offers a starting point, a broad view, but the real magic happens when you zoom in, exploring the intricate details that make each the experience unique.

Think about the last time someone told you a story. Did you take their words at face value, or did your mind start to add its own interpretations and meanings? Maybe you exaggerated some parts, minimized others, or filled in gaps with your own assumptions.

That's distortion at play, creating a narrative that's quite different from the original.

Distortions aren't just errors or misinterpretations; they're the carnival mirrors of our mind, twisting and reshaping our reality. They are the subtle, often unconscious, ways in which our minds play tricks on us, warping our understanding of what's being said or what's happening around us.

But here's the interesting part - these distortions aren't always negative. Just like those carnival mirrors can make us laugh at our comically stretched or squashed reflections, distortions can sometimes lead to creative insights and new perspectives. They can be a source of humor, creativity, and even empathy, if we learn to recognize and understand them.

Traditional NLP training teaches us to challenge distortion with the Meta Model. Instead, I encourage you to embrace it.

There's power in recognizing distortion in communication. It's like learning the tricks behind a magician's illusions - once you know them, you're not easily fooled. You start listening not just to what is said, but also to what is not said, and how it's being said. This deeper understanding opens doors to powerful and effective communication.

Next time you find yourself in a conversation, remember the hall of mirrors. Embrace distortion and use it to your advantage. After all, sometimes a warped reflection can show us angles of reality we never knew existed.

Picture yourself in a garden. This garden is your mind. In this scenario, you've set up fences with signs saying "I must do this" or "I can't do that."

These fences, while seemingly protective, actually confine you to a smaller plot, limiting what you can grow. But what if you were to remove these fences? Suddenly, you'd have a vast land to cultivate.

The language we use is a blueprint of our internal world. I often remind my clients, "Using words like 'must' or 'can't' is like putting up invisible fences in your mind. They limit your thinking and actions within a confined space." This statement is not just a metaphor; it's a profound truth about how language shapes our reality.

The modal operators of necessity (like "must") and impossibility (like "can't") often stem from deep-seated beliefs ingrained over years. These words aren't just semantics; they dictate our possibilities. When you say, "I must work hard to succeed," you create a reality where hard work is the only path to success. But is that the only truth? Couldn't success come from smart work, creativity, or even pure luck?

I've witnessed countless times the transformation that occurs when someone tweaks their internal dialogue. It's like watching a plant that's been confined to a small pot being replanted in an open field. The growth is exponential. The key lies in recognizing these modal operators and consciously choosing to question and reframe them.

Consider the power of replacing "I must" with "I choose to" or "I can't" with "I haven't yet." These subtle shifts in language can lead to a significant change in mindset. It's about moving from a space of restriction to one of empowerment.

The only true limits are the ones we place on ourselves. Tear down these invisible fences and help others do the same.

People sometimes ask me what's different about my style of coaching. I'm starting to figure out how to articulate it.

Coaching, in a traditional sense, is a process aimed at improving performance by helping individuals to develop and learn through guidance and encouragement. It typically involves a more experienced or skilled person, known as a coach, who supports a learner or client in achieving specific personal or professional goals by providing training, advice, and feedback.

Oddly enough, what I do when I work with a client has little to do with that. It has a lot more to do with yoga, in the original sense of the word. The word "yoga" comes from the Sanskrit root "yuj", which means to join, to yoke, or to unite. This union is typically understood as the union of the individual consciousness or soul with the Universal Consciousness or Spirit.

What NLP has offered me is not the rigid application of turnkey techniques, but the subtle art and skill of catching genius as it unfolds. It's a dance of intuition and insight, much like a gardener knowing just when to water or prune their plants.

Imagine I was having a conversation with you, with your story unraveling like a spool of thread. My job isn't to fix or to instruct, but to listen, to really listen. Each word, each pause, each subtle shift in your tone, is a clue to your genius that's waiting to be acknowledged, waiting to be coaxed into the light.

My job is to be present, being genuinely curious about you. It's about stimulating you so your genius can emerge, and creating a space where you can explore and then helping you capture it so you can find your way back to it at will. This is where the real magic happens.

It's one thing to run a therapeutic protocol like a swish pattern or a fast phobia cure on someone. It's another entirely to detect that, when they are inspired solving a problem at their best, they operate from the second perceptual position.

Think back to the most significant conversations you've had in your life. Were they scripted? Were they delivered with perfect eloquence? Probably not. They were powerful because they were real, because the person you were speaking with was fully there with you, actively participating in the unfolding of understanding.

Ultimately, what I do is foster a connection deep enough to allow someone's inner genius to surface. It's about being a guide, not a director; a listener, not a lecturer. I'll tell you, I am inevitably blown away by how brilliant, creative and talented my clients are.

The heart of what I do – if we can even call it coaching – is catching genius in the act, one conversation at a time.

My cousin believed her partner was unfaithful because he was often late. It was actually due to a secret project preparing for their anniversary.

This is a classic case of a cognitive pitfall where we mistakenly equate one thing with another. In NLP, we call this cognitive pitfall a "Complex Equivalence." It's like seeing rain and concluding it must be a sad day. In reality, the rain is just rain, and sadness is a separate entity.

In coaching sessions, I've seen countless instances where individuals create their own narratives based on faulty links. "The prospect hasn't returned my call, so he's not interested." "She didn't call, so she must be upset with me." These are the stories we tell ourselves, not necessarily the truths of our situations.

Understanding Complex Equivalence is like learning to untangle a knot. Each thread of thought, once separated, reveals a clearer, more accurate picture. It's about dissecting our assumptions and asking, "Is this necessarily true?"

In the case of my cousin, her belief was a reflection of her fears, not the reality of her partner's actions. It's a gentle reminder that our interpretations are not always the truth.

The next time you find yourself leaping to a conclusion, pause. Ask yourself, "Is this the only interpretation?" Often, you'll find there's more to the story. The beauty of human experience lies in its complexity and our ability to explore it with curiosity and openness.