Martin Messier

September 18, 2023

How my friends’ hatred improved my coaching

I hate cars — with a passion. 

When I first reveal this to my friends, they can't understand why. 

Here are a few reasons: 

1. They're really expensive. 

2. They guzzle gallons and gallons of expensive gasoline. 

3. If they don't guzzle gallons and gallons of expensive gasoline because they're electric, go back to Reason 1. 

4. Maintenance is expensive. 

5. Any time they have a surprise for you, it's always a bad one. 

6. The day you feel happiest with the car is the day you buy it. It's all downhill from there. 

7. They depreciate fast. 

8. They require parking space. 

I won't bore you with the remaining 43 reasons. 

Now it's a funny thing... While I hate cars with a passion, it doesn't make me feel bad. Not in the least bit. 

After I noticed this, and started paying attention to the way people hate. A pattern began to emerge. 

Take a look at this example: couples that don't have kids. I noticed many of my friends who don't have kids don't feel bad being around them. They just hate the idea of having them. 

Other friends hate fish, but don't feel bad when it's served on the dinner table. They just hate the idea of putting it in their mouth. 

The amazing thing is that all of them had long lists, similar to mine, of reasons why they hate whatever it is they hate. 

This brings us to a curious phenomenon about the way we operate, which I've tapped into again and again in my coaching of the most varied clients. Tony Robbins touched on this phenomenon very briefly at the former (much longer) version of Life Mastery, which I attended in 2000, that I decided to dive into and explore in much greater depth. 

By learning to use this phenomenon, you're able to unleash your clients' resources in unexpected ways. I can't tell you how many clients who had worked with previous coaches told me they were taken aback by this unique approach that helped them very quickly gain ground where they were previously stalemated.

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