Get the very best models, strategies and patterns to enhance your career opportunities and your performance at work – without the noise and fluff.

NO CHARGE. NO SPAM. UNSUBSCRIBE ANYTIME.

Archive

Category Archives for "Other Coaching Topics"

The Most Uncanny Way To Keep A Suicidal Person Alive

How do you keep a suicidal person alive without them even knowing what you’re doing? I’ll tell you in a second.

Dan Brown recently released his latest novel, titled Inferno. It’s been out for a little while. Maybe you’ve read it already. I need a good weekend when I can sit down, tune out the world and just immerse myself in that world.

From what my friends tell me, Dan Brown continues to deliver his highly addictive, cocaine-soaked writing style in this one. History, art, codes, symbols, futuristic science, secret passages, riddles… It’s all there.

Of course, it’s a NY Times bestseller. “Ça va de soi.”

One of the questions I’ve been asking myself is: how these guys pull it off?

Continue reading

What Would You Do If…?

[audio:http://dailynlp.com/audio/DailyNLP20130611.mp3]

Yesterday I was chatting with a buddy of mine who lives in Rio. I’ve known him for about 20 years now.

At one point, our talk turned to destiny, leaving a legacy and making an impact in the world.

Then, he hit me with a pretty interesting question.

He asked:

“What would you do if you had all the gold in the world?”

What a great question!

Have you ever asked yourself that?

So much of our life revolves around our activities around earning money because we need it.

What if we removed the “need it” part?

What would you do?

How would you invest your time and energy then?

Of course, the obvious “spend time on a beach” comes up quickly. Resting might be one of the first priorities on your mind at this point.

How about once you’re rested?

Consumption?

How about once you have everything and anything you may and may not want?

What would be next?

Questions are powerful. If I had to narrow down my entire coaching toolkit to a single tool, questions would have to be it.

Did you notice how I directed your entire mindset in this post with a series of questions?

And how the previous sentence was also a question?

And isn’t this one also a question?

Wow, we can’t seem to get out of asking questions, can we?

Questions guide without being directive. Build yourself a solid set of questions and you will make an unbelievable impact in people’s lives.

 

The Power Of Beliefs

Light-BulbToday’s post is longer than usual.

This is one of the most intense message I will ever share with you.

But it’s the most important. Bar none. Consider it a master class in beliefs.

But why now?

Let me tell you the story.

Yesterday, I had a coaching session with a young entrepreneur who’s getting started in business.

He’s been receiving my daily emails at DailyNLP (http://dailynlp.com). Two days ago, he reached out to me for help.

We scheduled his session for yesterday and made it happen.

Basically, the issue he wanted handled was that he couldn’t get himself to network and connect with people. He was stuck in his shell and wasn’t making the necessary connections to get his business off the ground.

Within three minutes of talking with him, it was obvious that a disempowering belief was at play.

You know, that nasty internal dialogue that sucks the life out of us like a vampire.

The instant I spotted it, Belief Relief was on.

Twenty minutes later, you should have seen his face.

Brand new guy. Something had changed. Unlocked. Unleashed.

He was going to connect with people now.

Potential partners. Clients. Anybody.

Now, the important part is not what happened DURING our session. It’s what will happen from this point forward.

His new direction. His new destiny. His new life.

Now, can you imagine how many people are stuck right this very second?

Stop and ponder over that.

What would happen if you and I were able to help them get out of that mode?

What would happen if you and I could help them get unstuck?

Just imagine the energy release this would enable…

I want to be able to do it. In a second, I’ll tell you how we can work together for that to happen.

But first, let’s reframe a term.

Limiting Beliefs??

I dislike the notion of “limiting” beliefs.

The truth is, all beliefs are limiting in one way or another. They open and close doors in our nervous system. They are, in a way, gatekeepers.

I suggest that we use the term “disempowering” instead. Some limiting beliefs are empowering. At the same time, some seemingly great beliefs can be disempowering.

For example…

Someone might have the limiting belief that taking drugs is bad for you, and that belief may be tremendously empowering.

Likewise, another person might believe that everyone has a noble intent. That belief might prevent her from firing destructive employees. That would be an example of a positive belief turned disempowering.

Make sense?

So what determines whether a belief is empowering or disempowering?

The Context That Tilts Beliefs

Beliefs, in and of themselves, don’t tilt one way or another.

They become empowering or disempowering based on what you want.

In other words, your goals.

When you decide what you want, your beliefs will either support or hinder you in getting it.

But that’s not all. There’s more you have to take into account.

In addition, you must consider your full ecology. A belief may support you in the context of a single goal, and hinder you in the context of your entire life.

For instance, you may want an extra $100,00.

What’s the straight line to get it? Assault an old lady and take it from her.

Believing that you can take other people’s belongings is tremendously empowering in the context of that goal. It definitely supports you in achieving it quickly and swiftly.

However, in the larger context of your life, that belief can result in you going to jail. Therefore, it becomes disempowering in that larger context.

It also reveals that the goal is a bit more complex than originally phrased.

It really is “make an extra $100 AND stay out of jail.” And you might discover a few additional distinctions on the goal as you explore it.

SIDEBAR

By the way, this is an excellent exercise to go through when you’re having a hard time hitting your goals.

Maybe there are some hidden, unconscious criteria that are slowing you down.

Seek them out, become aware of them and reverse them.

/SIDEBAR/

YOUR GOALS define whether beliefs are empowering or disempowering. To be effective, you have to be able to open and close these “doors” at will.

In a second, I’ll tell you more about the direct impact beliefs have on what you do. You may have a little “aha” moment.

It’s a really simple model and I’m sure you’ll find it as useful as I do.

But let’s do a quick summary first.

– Beliefs are gatekeepers in our nervous system. They open and close doors of possibility.

– Our goals determine whether an open or closed door is empowering or disempowering.

Cool so far? Let’s move on.

I’m going to take you up a notch so we can take a look at the direct — and I mean direct — impact beliefs have on what we do.

Before we look at that model, I want you to pay attention to a little secret that makes all the difference when working with beliefs.

Beliefs Are Linguistic Phenomena

Practitioners of NLP have published a great many books. Many of them are great. Some of them suck. Most of them are about therapeutic interventions (as opposed to modeling geniuses).

Here’s a little fallacy I’ve encountered several times over the past 15 years.

In some of these books, you’ll read about interventions to change beliefs that involve “making a picture of the belief.”

*LOUD BUZZER SOUND*

Sorry there, slick, not gonna happen. Well, it may happen, but it’s going to be a complete waste of time.

Why?

Because beliefs are linguistic phenomena.

How the heck are we going to picture language?

Are we really going to visualize words hanging in the air and read off of them in our mind?

Are we going to swish pictures of words?

Think that’s going to be effective?

Rarely.

Visual ain’t the channel to work with beliefs.

When we create/pick up/condition a belief, we either:

1. Hear someone say it to us, or
2. Say it to ourselves, out loud or mentally

Here’s the right channel to work with beliefs: AUDITORY! More specifically, auditory digital, ie, in spoken and heard words.

The Chain Of Action

Now, let’s hop on the helicopter and get a sky-high view of what drives our actions — and consequently, our results — and see where beliefs fit on the food chain.

Let’s begin with the practical side: getting results. That’s what achievement is all about, right?

1. ACTIONS >> RESULTS

Pretty obvious, no? Our actions drive the results we get. So what drives our actions?

2. STATE >> ACTIONS >> RESULTS

Tony Robbins says the most important skill we can master in our lifetime is the ability to manage our states.

This is why.

Our state will determine what actions we take, which in turn will determine what results we get.

So what drives state?

*drum roll*

That’s right.

3. BELIEF >> STATE >> ACTIONS >> RESULTS

Of course, in reality there are more variables involved. (Remember, this is just a model. It’s meant to be useful, not 100% accurate.) Physiology is a key driver of state in the short term. But you can’t sustain an empowering state in the longer term unless it’s supported by belief.

So belief drives the critical component that determines our actions.

More Impact Of Belief

It gets better.

The word “state” also refers to how we feel. That means that our feelings are determined to a large extent by our beliefs.

If someone feels depressed long-term, it’s because of beliefs.

If someone feels anxious long-term, it’s because of beliefs.

If someone feels angry long-term, it’s because of beliefs.

Also, if someone feels thrilled about being alive, it’s because of beliefs.

If someone feels excited about being in a relationship, it’s because of beliefs.

If someone feels determined to build their business all the way to success, it’s because of beliefs.

I’ll sum that up to:

YOUR EXPERIENCE IN LIFE (AND ENJOYMENT THEREOF) DEPENDS ON YOUR BELIEFS.

Quick Recap

Let’s recap really quickly. We just learned a few more distinctions:

1. Beliefs are auditory phenomena. No pictures!
2. Beliefs determine what we do and, as such, the results we get.
3. Beliefs determine how we feel and, as such, our experience of life.

Learning how to work with beliefs is, in my opinion, one of the most important asset someone can acquire.

If you’re a coach (life or sports), manager or parent, it’s simply a must. You have to know how to handle them elegantly.

Over the last 10 years, I’ve developed a format that has consistently helped my clients and myself relieve disempowering beliefs and install empowering ones.

In most cases, the process is fun (often, it’s hilarious), works quickly, and is easy to teach and learn.

But let’s not get ahead too quickly.

When Intervention Is Needed

Think about the two types of situations where intervention is needed.

First, if you’re stuck. You know what you want, you know what you have to do, but you’re simply not doing it. You’re procrastinating. You’re dodging the issue. You’re coming up with excuses.

In short, you’re stuck. There’s no progress happening.

You’ve been there. I’ve been there. Everybody we know has been there.

The REAL problem is when you stay stuck.

Water that stops moving gets contaminated. Blood that stops moving creates disease. Cars that stop moving create a traffic jam. It’s a law of nature.

So we have to keep ourselves and others moving.

We have to know how to get ourselves and others unstuck.

Number two, if you’re feeling like shit for more than a few days. Mid to long-term. Depressed. Pissed. Anxious. Helpless. Frustrated.

Number two leads inevitably to number one. In some cases, vice-versa. If you’re stuck too long, you start feeling horrible.

Then, the vicious cycle starts.

Can’t let either happen.

As we talked about above, a belief or a set of beliefs is at the root of both.

Instant Belief Relief

I want to teach you how to handle them. Swiftly. Like a master. Whether on yourself or a client, you’ll be able to neutralize any belief that poisons quality of life.

And I want to make sure that you get it. So I’ll be there for you 100%.

One on one.

You and I will be on Skype together during a training session during which I’ll teach you Belief Relief personally.

You will learn the master pattern I’ve been using in over 200 interventions over the past 5 years, since I first started designing it.

You’ll be able to ask me any question and get immediate answers.

I’ll record our entire training session on Skype and will make it available to you within 24 hours of our call.

I will also supply you with a written guide to the master pattern of Belief Relief so you can refer to it anytime you need.

You will receive the guide during our training session.

When we’re through, you will have this down pat. You’ll understand hands down how to handle a disempowering belief.

All Your NLP Skills Improve

That work is going to spill over into all your other NLP skills.

You’re going to become even sharper with language. You’ll be able to hear beliefs on the fly. You’ll start picking up on limitations in advance.

In other words, you’ll be able to anticipate. And anticipation is often the difference that makes the difference between outstanding performers and average ones.

How Much Is That Worth?

For a coaching session with me, right now you’d pay $350 an hour. And you still wouldn’t know how the magic works.

For a seminar, all expenses included, you’d likely be paying upwards of $1,500.00 and you’d be practicing with willing subjects. (doesn’t work in the real world…)

Or you might choose to go it solo. Buy books. Listen to tapes. Watch videos. Surf the web. Test in the real world. Figure out what works, what doesn’t. You can definitely pull it off. That’s how I did it.

But it took close to 10 years.

Or we can go at this together and you’ll master this in no time because of the personal attention you’ll get.

And I’m going to train you for only $247.

That’s it.

I really want you to learn this skill and use it to help as many people as you can get over their problem.

It’s up to you.

No BS, 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed

You know my style by now. No BS, and I’m only interested in what works — in the real world.

If at any point during our training session, for any reason, you don’t think you’ve made a good investment, let me know and I’ll give you every penny back promptly and quietly.

No worries on your part.

Summing It Up

So there you go. For $247, you get the chance to come over the line and hang out with me for a bit so we can sharpen your skills together.

And, hopefully, make a huge difference in people’s lives from this day forward.

This is the kind of investment that you will make once and get returns for the rest of your life.

It’s not knowledge. It’s a skill. Something you can put to work day-in, day-out.

If you’re a coach, it’s an absolute must. If you’re in business, it’s an absolute must.

You’ll be impressed at what you can pull off once we’re done. It feels like magic sometimes. Some of my subscribers have already felt it after working the format with me BY EMAIL.

If you choose to get it today, you will make your payment and then you will get an email from me today to confirm that I received your payment.

Then, over the course of the week, I’ll be in touch so we can schedule your session to our convenience.

Because this will be in-person training, I may not be able to accept everybody who wants in.

If you click the link and it doesn’t work, it’s because I’ve hit critical mass. Last time I offered a high-attention training, it sold out in less than two hours.

In that case, you’ll have to wait for the next wave of training.

Now, it’s up for you to decide.

The link to get started is right here.

http://dailynlp.com/belief-relief-live

5

Meta Model: How Your Client Materializes Problems

“Panta rhei (Everything flows).” Simplicius (often attributed to Heraclitus)

Simplicius might have known NLP before it was created. His most famous quote reveals that he understood a very important Meta Model pattern: nominalization.

Has this ever happened to your client?

Sometimes, a client will butt against an invisible obstacle. This may happen during or in-between coaching sessions. When you ask what specifically prevents him from moving forward, he responds with an answer such as:

  • “I can’t get past this conflict.”
  • “I want to, but my anger problem won’t let me.”

Time for the Meta Model!

Turning intangibles into tangibles

Process Into Reality

Credit: Dribbble.com

Let’s take a quick look at these two sentences and isolate the obstacle in each. In the first sentence, the obstacle is “the conflict.” In the second, the “anger problem.”

Let’s examine the structure of each. First, “I can’t get past this conflict.”

This sounds like “I can’t get past this rock.” or “I can’t get past this mountain.”

A rock and a mountain are concrete, tangible obstacles. A conflict, on the other hand, is not. A conflict is an abstract concept, an idea. The sentence “I can’t get past this conflict” is purely metaphorical, but it creates an imaginary obstacle nonetheless.

Now, let’s examine the second sentence. “I want to, but my anger problem won’t let me.”

Once again, we have metaphorical language at play. Your client speaks as if shackles were holding him back or an authoritarian adult had grounded him.

Just as conflicts aren’t tangible obstacles, an anger problem has no concrete restraining power.

In cases like this one, the real problem may not be the conflict or the anger problem itself, but the language used to describe the problem.

Sometimes, simply altering the language will allow you to frame the problem in solvable terms. Even better, you’ll sometimes be able to wipe out the obstacle completely.

Let’s learn how to do it by leveraging the Meta Model.

A Meta Model pattern: nominalization

“Nominalization” is a linguistics term that simply means “turning verbs into nouns.” In the Meta Model of language in NLP, it means “turning processes into things.”

Let’s nominalize a few processes right here:

  • “My nose is congested” becomes “I have a congestion.”
  • “We argue” becomes “We keep having these arguments.”
  • “I failed in this venture” becomes “I am a failure.”

Sometimes, we even carry it out further.

  • “He frowns when he looks at people” becomes “He has an attitude problem.”

Do you notice how all these verbs morph into nouns? While nominalizing can be incredibly useful, it can also be disempowering if used inappropriately.

How to dematerialize problems instantly

Turning Neo Into CodeSometimes, you can resolve a client’s problem instantly by helping her denominalize the problem. A simple way to do this is to presuppose that you’re dealing with energy rather than an object. In quantum physics term, turn the particle into a wave.

(This is not a conventional way of teaching this Meta Model pattern. But I find it’s much easier to understand.)

When you hear “I can’t get past this conflict,” dematerialize the “conflict” by asking a question or making a comment.

  • Question: “So you’re striking at each other? How about a new way to interact?”
  • Comment: “It’s a hard one. The good thing is, as soon as you get tired of striking at each other, you’ll find a new way to interact. It’s just a matter of getting exhausted.”

Notice how the question and the comment both take your client from a passive, victim role into an active, responsible role. In the first case, he’s a victim of “the conflict.” In the second case, he’s “striking at someone else.”

In summary: dissolve nominalizations

As a coach, you always need to leverage the #1 NLP Skill. Pay attention to your client’s language. Is she materializing actions or feelings?

In the NLP Meta Model, we call this language pattern “nominalization.”

If she turns actions or feelings into concrete things, be sure to flip them back into “wave mode.” You can do this by asking questions and making comments.

Questions? Still have some doubts about this? Leave your comment below.

2

Meta Model: Is Your Client Using Vague Nouns?

As a coach, you definitely want to pay attention to everything your client says and does, particularly for Meta Model distinctions. Have you ever heard statements like the following?

  • “All the problems we are experiencing right now are caused by the rich. The rich always act in selfish ways.”
  • “Employees suck. Everything would just be fine without employees.”

When a client describes a problem situation or an obstacle to you, her language may often contain vague nouns such as “men, women, people, americans, foreigners, employees, customers” and ambiguous pronouns, such as “they, them” and so on.

Of course, she loosely utilizes these terms to refer to specific elements of their model of the world. She placed these elements in their MOW as a result of their experience in life. Unfortunately, they have packed a single experience into generalized ones or abstracted them into a vague pronoun. This can lead to some limitations. If she has had a single bad experience with men and she generalizes that experience to include all men, her relationships with men will suffer.

This language pattern is known in the NLP Meta Model as “unspecified referential index,” since it also includes pronouns that have no contextual reference in the model.

You need specifics to reproduce the model

Let’s look at a few examples:

  • Example 1: “Dating experts say I should go approach her, but I don’t know if I have the confidence.”
  • Example 2: “Salespeople are manipulative.”
  • Example 3: “I hate watching the national team play. We always lose and it gets me down…”

When listening to your client describe a situation or condition, your goal is to recreate his model. As he describes it to you, you are reproducing it in your own mind or writing it down.

Art student copies painting at the Louvre.

Have you ever seen art students copying masterpieces in museums? Your work as a coach involves a similar craft. As the client reveals his model, you “copy” it.

The statements above, due to their general nature, do not enable you to copy the model accurately. They include generic words that cannot be depicted figuratively on a “painting.”

The two sentences at the beginning of this post include the words “the rich” and “employees.” The three examples include the words “dating experts,” “salespeople” and “we.”

The reason you cannot effectively reproduce the model is that you don’t know who specifically is being talking about. Which rich person? Which employee? Which dating expert? Which salesperson? And is he part of the national team? The statement is vague.

In each case, that person probably has had one or many experiences with a rich person, employees, dating experts and so on, but has generalized that experience to include all members of the category.

Use Meta Model questions to increase the resolution

Your role is to tease out the specifics of the situation so you can accurately reproduce the model. To do that, ask Meta Model questions that elicit specificity while at the same time maintaining rapport.

  • “Which rich people are you referring to?”
  • “What employees are you thinking of when you say that?”
  • “What dating experts are you getting counsel from?”
  • “Which salespeople are manipulative?”
  • “Are you part of the national team?”

Your questions can serve one of two purposes. They can:

  1. draw out more precise and accurate information so you can better reproduce the model, or
  2. challenge your client on his model and force him to expand it.

The difference between the two is subtle and can often be communicated purely using your intonation. You’ll become more adept at using one or the other with practice.

In summary: tease out vague nouns

As a coach, always remember the #1 NLP Skill and be attentive to the nouns and pronouns your client uses. Do you really understand what she’s referring to? Or are the nouns vague and generalized?

The NLP Meta Model refers to this language pattern as “unspecified referential index.”

If the statements are too vague, be sure to elicit more specificity to make sure you are recreating her model of the world accurately. Do this by asking the right questions.